Funny Foreign Food

Horse Meat

2011-01-12T10:34:00.000-08:00

Oh my God the fucking French eat horse meat! Lucky for them I'm not President because I would get all Hiroshima on their asses.

Jesus Lorrain

2011-01-12T10:26:00.000-08:00

I understand transubstantiation but this is just ridiculous. It is one thing to consume the body of Christ in a cracker at church but slicing Jesus up to put him on a hoagie roll for lunch is sacrilegious at best. Once again, leave it to France to come up with something so antithetical. I bet those dumb fuckers eat horse meat. I do have to say, I would put the Lord and Savior's meat in my mouth. Would you?

Black Cock Scotch

2011-01-11T10:48:00.000-08:00

This hilariously named scotch was spotted in a Costa Rica Supermarket. Fortunately for us Americans, most foreigners call roosters "cocks" and seemingly don't understand why we find it funny. A cock is a fucking penis not a damn rooster you morons! I don't know about you but I would totally wrap my lips around this black cock and guzzle down that delicious juice while smoking a big fat cigar. Would you put it in your mouth and swish it around?

Baba Ghannouge - Some Muslim Shit

2010-01-23T23:17:00.000-08:00

Baba ghannouge? Are you fucking kidding me? It is bad enough that most of the label is written in Muslim but they have to translate it into something that isn't even fucking American? Learn how to speak, stupids! I was lucky this shit didn't blow up in my face when I opened it. Those Arabs are always trying to get you. You never know which door they will be behind. Baba sounds like some loser dude's name and ghannouge? What the fuck is that about? Turns out is it some smoked eggplant dip that is super fucking awesome so don't judge a book by its cover (unless it is taking flight lessons...). Would you eat this (even though it might be an IED)?

Mr. Brain's Pork Faggots

2009-09-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

Today's installment of funny foreign food is brought to you by some psycho blogger that is all into politics, religion, and conspiracies. Fuck that bullshit. I try and keep my distance from all that crap and live in my own little utopian bubble. Luckily this crazy bastard lives in a different country from me and submitted some funny foods. Let's see what gross shit we have today.
This is just too fucking easy. First of all, I sincerely doubt that a Mr. Brain founded this company. Is this a common name in your freak country? So if there is no Mr. Brain, why in the hell would you name your shit that? This just makes no sense to me. Next we move to the product. Let's all have a collective giggle at the mental imagery created by the phrase "4 Pork Faggots." In England they are so repressive they use this slang for a homosexual male so commonly that makes the Reverend Ted Haggard blush. Apparently they never got the memo that the word changed meaning. Too bad America is so fucking great the rest of the world can't keep up! The Rich West Country Sauce does not translate too well either, especially when referring to man on man loving. Would you eat it?

Big Cock and Little Tits

2009-08-07T09:40:00.000-07:00

Today's installment of Funny Foreign Food was submitted by a blogger by the name of Sam who writes dark fiction and hails from Auckland, New Zealand (aka Middle Earth). If you idiots didn't already know, New Zealand is a state of Australia and it functions as a penal colony, much like the inception of Australia itself when the Brits took it from all those little people. So never trust a New Zealander; They are just backwards Australians who are just backwards Brits and no one likes the British. Let's see what gross shit we have today:

I try my hardest not to be suckered in by creative marketing ploys but I will take a case, please. Only a company in a sick, perverted country like New Zealand would someone come up with this idea. But I love it. I would guzzle down that big cock and suck on those little tits anyday. Would you drink it?

Chata - Menudo

2009-07-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

Today's installment of Funny Foreign Food was submitted by the same blogger as Mexican Penis Candy. She just recently took a trip to Mexico and took some pictures of funny food for me. How considerate. Let's see what gross shit we have today:This is a totally unassuming can but its contents are fucking nasty. The base of this trash is cow's stomach and apparently these sick, twisted people add cows feet for "flavor." Oh hell no. The odd thing is I looked up what "sabor" and "casero" mean in Mexican and apparently this is literally "homemade flavor." What a bullshit marketing ploy. You really expect me to believe that this canned cow stomach has homemade flavor? Good luck. But at least you get an extra 20%. Would you eat it?

Heinz - Spotted Dick

2009-07-27T10:39:00.001-07:00

Today's submission came from a wonderful lady that we will just call Ms. X. In her words, she 'spotted' this on the shelves of of a local grocery store in Shreveport. It comes from England or Britain or whatever the fuck country is over there. I don't really give a shit. They are all the same anyway. Let's see what gross shit we have today:Once again we have Heinz making some gross ass shit. Yes I would love a haggard, diseased, transvestite pecker in a can. And if this doesn't sound bad enough, it is 'microwaveable.' At least now you can use your microwave for something other than making crack cocaine. Laughable name aside, sponge pudding does not sound that bad. Would you eat it?

Hall's Vegetarian Haggis

2009-07-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

Today's installment of Funny Foreign Food is brought to you by the same blogger that brought you the Toast Topper and the Penis Root. I guess there is just a cornucopia of hilarious food products in that crazy country they call England. Big fucking surprise. Let's see what gross shit we have today:
No fucking way. For real? I seriously fucking doubt there are that many vegetarians that get cravings for haggis. "I don't eat meat anymore because I find it revolting but I sure could go for some haggis right now!" Not happening. Just when I thought fake meat could not taste any worse, they try and replicate the nastiest shit ever. I bet this crap is worse than that Tofurkey trash. The only saving grace is that it is not in a can. Would you eat it?

Penis Root

2009-07-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

Today's installment of Funny Foreign Food is brought to you by the same blogger that submitted the Heinz Toast Topper. I tell you there is never a shortage of funny food in England. Is there anything these people will not eat? You could probably put a plate of baboon barf in front of a Brit and they would scarf it down like a neglected dog. Let's see what gross shit we have today:Well this produce item certainly looks like a deformed, unshorn penis and it doesn't help that she is holding that incredibly phallic root like a pro. This thing actually bears a close resemblance to a guy I knew in high school. We called him "curveball." I have no fucking clue what the hell this piece of crap really is but roots generally suck so I am going to have to pass on this one. Would you eat it?

Kostelecke Parky

2009-07-17T11:57:00.000-07:00

Today's installment of Funny Foreign Food is brought to you by a blogger who writes about her fucked up past and is actually in the process of writing a book. Check it out. Now! In any case, Let's see what gross shit we have today:
Is it just me or is this guy eating a cock? The nearest translation I could find for "Kostelecke Parky" is chilly town (Kostelecke is apparently the name of a place). However, there is nothing chilly about this picture. This guy seems to really enjoy sausage in his mouth. Who is in charge of marketing for this company? Obviously some sick asshole. Sexual overtones aside, what the fuck is up with canned sausage? You couldn't pay me to eat this. Would you eat it?

Frank's Kraut Juice

2009-07-16T12:28:00.000-07:00

Today's installment of Funny Foreign Food is brought to you by a blogger who is obsessed with gnomes. She hails from the states and found this item in her local food market. Although it is not foreign to us superior Americans, it is foreign to all those losers from loser countries. Let's see what gross shit we have today:
Are we supposed to drink this crap or what? Kraut juice? That does not rank very high on my favorite juice list. At least it says "quality" on the label. Without that designation I definitely would not drink this straight from the can so you get some points for that Frank. I can only assume this disgusting product is intended to used for soups and the like but why on Earth would someone use this crap? What do you think it could be used for? Would you eat it?

Romney's Kendal Mint Cake

2009-07-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

Apparently this is what all mountain climbers take on their psychotic expeditions. The only explanation I can come up with is that this mint cake sucks so fucking bad that they eat it to keep them awake and alert at high altitudes. This is like biting into a massive Altoid but more hardcore. Oh wait, they BOTH come from England? You people make me sick! What is with your unhealthy obsession with everything nasty? Bunch of freaks. Would you eat it?

Pelon Pelo Rico - Mexican Penis Candy

2009-07-15T13:30:00.001-07:00

Today's installment of Funny Foreign Food is brought to you by a blogger who lives in Arizona but is originally from Mexico. No shit, huh? Mexico is famous for their bizarre candies so finding an easy target is like shooting fish in a barrel. Let's see what gross shit we have today:
Pelon pelo rico loosely translates to 'yummy bold hair' as can be seen on the deranged cartoon. That guy looks like he ate a little too much pelon pelo rico. As you can see the red rocket is on top and you have to slide your hand downward to get the goodness. This probably takes repeated pumps.

Now I have never been in this postition, but this is probably what a chick sees right before she inserts a penis into her mouth. This picture makes me really uncomfortable. Would you eat it?

Heinz - Toast Topper

2009-07-14T15:19:00.000-07:00

Today's edition of Funny Foreign Food is brought to you by a blogger who lives on that tiny island they call a country, England. It is not even as big as Oregon and they are their own country? Fuck that. Tiny countries suck and should be made into states of one overlord government. Bring back the wide reaching tentacles of imperialism! Point is, England is lame. Let's see what gross shit we have today:

This product is a chicken and mushroom spread for your morning toast. At first I was appalled that Heinz would make such a product but then I was relieved to find out they only sell it to the bottom feeder countries, like England.

As you can see upon opening the can, it looks like dog barf. I would seriously not even dream of using this for anything other than revenge.
So I guess you don't even fucking cook it or anything you just spread this trash on your crappy bread and go at it. How sickening. Would you eat it?

Patum Peperium - The Gentleman's Relish

2009-07-14T09:23:00.000-07:00

Patum Peperium is an anchovy spread from across the pond. It is an alleged delicacy and "delicious on hot toast." Yeah, the first thing I want in the morning is a healthy chunk of anchovy. Sounds right up my fucking alley. They have been around since 1828 so I guess there are enough sickos in the world to keep their business running. It also says to "use very sparingly." How about not at all? My toast would be much more palatable at six in the morning without any fish products. This spread does, however, go very well on a tuna fish sandwich. Would you eat it?

Cock Flavored Soup Mix - Spicy

2009-07-13T11:19:00.001-07:00

Those crazy Jamaicans are at it again. First they swallow balloons of cocaine and fly to England repeatedly and now they have infiltrated their diet with large packages of cock. When will it end!?! Once you get past the word 'cock,' the bizarre spelling of 'flavored' and the fact that it is brought to you by 'Grace,' I bet this is one tasty cock. I hate to say it but I would love to put this cock in my mouth. Would you eat it?

John Lusty's Rich Venison Soup with Cranberries & Port

2009-07-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

The label of this can o' soup boasts that it was made for Mr. John Lusty. He is probably some superstar in the ass-backward country of England but in the center of the world, America, he is a nobody. I have never heard of John Lusty and if I had it would be from pornography. But really? Venison soup? In a can? That is just fucking weird you crazy foreigners! Then you add cranberries and port into the mix? I am frightened to open up this can. But the real question remains:

Would you eat it?